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MIL-OSI Global : How to resolve tensions between friends like Lorde Charli XCX

Source: UK By Jessica Robles Lecturer in social psychology, Loughborough University

These lyrics resonate with your soul? ” Don’t know if I like you / I sometimes think you hate me / I sometimes think I hate you.”

The lyrics are taken from the first verse of Girl, So Confusion, a song on Charli XCX’s Brat album (released June 7), which reflects upon insecurity, fame, and the pressures that come with womanhood. Two weeks later, the remix – Girl So Confusing Version with Lorde – was released, which confirmed social media suggestions that the original song was about Charli and her friendship, as well as their long-rumoured rivalry.

In the remix, Lorde adds a new verse in which she discusses how her mental health struggles affected her relationships. Charli also expresses her fear in another song that her friend secretly wants her to fail.

The two have a good relationship, and it seems like working together on the song has helped them heal. Lorde ends her verse with “I ride for Charli”, and Charli finishes the song by saying “You know, I ride for You too”.

The song’s pervasive air of uncertainty has been a major draw for fans. The title and chorus both refer to confusion. In the first verse, Charli is forced to guess how she might interpret the situation because she “doesn’t know” what to feel. Charli repeats the phrase “I don’t know” in later lyrics, and says that she can’t “tell” what is going on. Both singers attempt to explain this “awkwardness”, and try to guess the reason it happens.

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The song is so popular because it speaks to a universal issue: unsure of how others feel about us.

Terms like “ghosting” or “phubbing” show our social fear of being rejected by friends. We don’t usually worry about our friendships until there is a problem. Inconsistent behaviour, for example, can cause anxiety and make us feel like we are responsible for the perceived awkwardness.

Friends may disagree with us or refuse to support us when we are in trouble, indicating a lack of loyalty. It undermines our trust and sense of support, even when they don’t act rudely.


Ladye, Girl So Confusing Version with Charli XCX.

The song is structured around the assumption “being” or “feeling like” a girl can be an important factor in friendship trouble. is often used to explain and understand the behaviour of others and themselves. It is commonly assumed that having something in common with someone else is a requirement to form a close friendship. What does this mean in reality?

The song alternates between expressing concern that “we don’t share much” and stating that “people think we are alike”. The song is ambiguous as to whether the similarities between them are superficial or real. Charli says: “I’m not sure if the music is honest.”

If you feel that your friend is not even interacting on a basic level, it can be very unsettling. It can be very uncomfortable if your friend does not respond to you on the basic level of .

It also matters the type of conversation. It’s sometimes good, or even desirable, to be challenged, by your friends.

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Four tips to having difficult conversations with friends without making them worse

It’s better to have honest conversations with friends than assume what they are feeling.

Grace McCuistion/Dupe

It’s tempting to ask directly what’s wrong, or as the song says, just leave a voice message. However this could make matters worse. The norms that govern friendship determine whether communication works or not.

How can you resolve tension in a friendship if you don’t have a new record to discuss it on? When is it appropriate to end the friendship?

1. Do not assume

You should not assume that you know why someone is acting oddly. Identity Categories like gender can be used to explain behaviour or guess how someone thinks, but are not always accurate. They could cause more harm than good.

Consider all the reasons that someone could be acting a certain way, not just the obvious or first thing that comes into your mind.

2. Ask questions

You can briefly switch the conversation to your friend if they are still talking with you but don’t seem to be supporting you.

Both parties project their problems onto each other in the song. Allow your friend to bring up something troubling that is keeping them from paying you full attention.

3. When to walk away

Some friendships just aren’t worth it. You might need to temporarily separate from a friend who is dealing with emotional issues.

A growing toxicity or incompatibility could also indicate that they are no longer a friend. It may be better to take a step back if they are constantly ignoring you or undermining your viewpoint. Unfortunately, conflicts cannot be resolved, as the old song says.



Jessica Robles has not disclosed any relevant affiliations other than her academic appointment. She does not work, consult, own or receive funding from companies or organisations that would benefit from the article.

– ref. How to resolve friendship tension like Lorde and Charli XCX – https://theconversation.com/how-to-resolve-friendship-tension-like-lorde-and-charli-xcx-234025

MILOSI – Global Reports